Why are you arguing? Arguing is really made up of you, or someone else, forcing a point down someone else’s neck in hopes to win a moment of verbal dominance. If you stay objective, this is to be expected seeing as most means of exhibiting one’s dominance are illegal in most advanced civilizations. Seeing as we’re no longer allowed to beat each other over the head with large and heavy objects, arguing seems to have become far more common. Okay. So where does that leave the rest of us whom have no real urge to kill or maim people we don’t agree with?
It leaves us sitting, waiting and hoping that the arguer finishes so we can leave and perhaps never speak with them again. In the alternative, it leaves us sitting and waiting until we can burst out laughing about their determination and desperation to feel superior to us with words and opinioins alone. The most mindful and civilized of us quickly understand that this has gone beyond a discussion, and into passion. A distinct and dangerous line to cross. Others… well, they prefer to end the argument with statements of violence or simply slamming the preverbial door in our face, if not worse.
Another scenario is that the subject of our passionate discussion mistakes our display as a potential argument and simply withdraws into silence, aggrivating our passions all-the-more. So how can we discuss, rather than argue?
The first thing I try to do is to place myself in the other person’s shoes. Understand why they are so passionate and present my points in a manner that even they could rightiously shake their fists at. I try and explore why it is that their ideal has no real logical basis and why they might have come to that ideal. More often than not, I simply don’t. I just sit, waiting for their rant to make some manner of sense I can relate to.
In the end, the other person typically will need to display their dominance even more than before in order to save face from a logical, well researched perspective. This, of course, aggrivates them and drives them to extremes in order to seem more rightous and proud than me. And then, a month or more later, they silently and discreately give the subtlest of aknowledgements in order to save their pride but in the same token, gain respect that they do in fact have a brain and sometimes use it if so forced.
So if you’re the arguer, understand you’ve done nothing but show your dominance to no one but yourself for your own self-identity. And if you’re the discusser, understand that you’ve done nothing but show you’ll let an arguer win. If you’re both arguers, understand that you might wind up in a fist fight. If you’re both discussers, understand that you must take time to research and understand each other’s point.
If you’re like me, understand that you’ll always wonder why people feel the need to argue with you and that you’ll need to take self-defense courses to survive half the arguers you wind up dealing with. If you’re not, take some domestic courses because you’ll likely wind up serving a man who sees the world in a way that no longer exists by modern standards.
Arguing; the new method of violence and dominance.
Discussion; the new and old taboo of religion and politics.
