Recently I was reminded of a habit I’ve tried to break for years. Many times when I contemplate the go-ons around me, I start to see patterns and domino affects. A simple example would be something to the effect of; a bum is standing outside a coffee shop with that targeting look in their eye. You know you’re dressed a little better than the average and therefor, you plausibly predict the bum is going to ask you for money. That’s a really simplified example, mind you. A little more advanced is that looking at the fellow, you can see by the scowl and the slightly desperate look in their eye that saying no will cause a scene or worse. Then if you decide to give them the ten dollars which you can feasibly predict is going to buy them a fix instead of food; you can’t come back to that place without a lifeline plan to keep away from them because they know they got you to give it to them the first time.
I hate doing that. My mind won’t let up with these kinds of patterns and domino effects most of the time. In a workplace a coworker tells you they’re getting sick and tired of their job and they hate the boss. Typically this is also the person that tends to screw things up to their own more convenient ends and somehow expects a reward or otherwise instant and effortless gratification. The boss gives them a written warning for their gracefully neglected workload and they throw a tantrum. Subsequently they spend the next two or three weeks making everyone’s lives hell by not working, griping about how mistreated they are and otherwise causing drama. The boss talks to them about it, they quit instead of doing their relatively easy job. It all starts with that one step, action, conversation or subtle hint.
I can lay down a pyramid effect with the simplest things including a selection of plausible outcomes based on what the subjects may or may not do. And I hate it. I’m not always right, mind you. But I’m right more often than I like to admit. I usually don’t even talk about it. It’s like the classic tale of knowing the future but no one will listen. I got tired of that in my childhood. I once told my mother step by step how to save her marriage when I was eleven years old. And it worked. I told my dad (both are/were divorced and remarried) his wife was going to get bitter and tear him apart if he didn’t leave her. One year later they began a two-year divorce and she took millions from him and left. Practically destroyed him. But it wasn’t that simple. I told them when, why and how step by step.
Lately I’ve been seeing very bad patterns in several groups of people I know. I can see that two, if not three, groups of good friends are going to scatter to the wind within six months time. In all three circles, they’re destroying their common bond. And otherwise, their lives are separated enough that there is little more than unmotivated phone calls to bind them. And as usual I’m helpless to stop it.
I should’ve just lived like a gypsy ’til I died of health issues. Wander about making no ties or binds at all and savoring every stranger I meet for the few hours I will know them.
I know the feeling of being able to see the things going on around you, though not in the same way you see them, it’s something I’ve struggled with since I was in elementary school.
I don’t dream any more, at least, not that I can remember when I wake up.. It’s a blessing and a curse, a blessing because I used to have a recurring nightmare that left me paralyzed when I did wake up, but a curse because of the gift in dreams.
When I didn’t have a nightmare I often saw things and people that I knew, but in events that I hadn’t lived.. At first I didn’t understand, I’d get these feelings of ‘deja vu’ when going about my daily business. But I started writing down what I could remember of my dreams, and I noticed that what I dreamed was happening, not the next day, but a week, sometimes up to a couple months later.
I was terrified at the feeling. You say you can see patterns, but what I saw were events set in stone. I fought against them, avoiding places, even people, at the times I could remember them happening, but there was always something that made it so I had to be there when it was happening.
I’ve realized that I wasn’t being forced to go where I saw in the dreams, but I was there because of my choices and behaviors. I think if I could still see what I saw, I would learn to embrace it and make the best of myself using the dreams as a guideline.
Too little too late though, “hindsight is always 20/20″ as they say.
I’m sure there are other people out there who have gifts like this, you aren’t alone, and certainly not helpless. Give your friends the support they need to stick together, be the linchpin that holds the group as one, break the patterns you see and make your own.
Even gypsies make an effect on those they meet, big or small, everything you do effects those around you. Make the most of where you are and what you’re given.